There’s a strange quite curious thing called friendship. You meet these people, who initially seem purely fine. Of course they’re polite and kind because you know nothing about them and they know nothing about you. But then, somewhere down the line you start to care. Then even further down the line you start to truly and deeply care and even love. You begin to change and grow simply by being with and knowing truly good people. And you spend a lot of time together because you choose to, because you know for a fact that it is definitely worth your while.
For a while it’s amazing. You’re with the people you care about the most as much as you can, and you have the best times of your life with them. You go on trips, laugh a whole lot, do the most random of things together, and you love. You love each other, you love the trips, the laughing, everything. But what’s most important is that you don’t love it because the trips are to the most exotic places, or because the jokes are particularly funny, or even because the excursions are really that fun. The reason why you love it, is because of the people. It’s in those brief moments that you don’t think you’re ever going to remember, that you’ll end up cherishing for the rest of your life. These are your friends, this is your life, and every moment you have with them is everything.
The most truthful thing I’ve ever heard in my life is that friends are the family you choose. Many times if we would’ve had a choice we would lead very different lives from the ones we currently are forced to. If we have very unsatisfying, terribly modest lives, we dream of lives of luxury and constant leisure. And if everything comes easy and we’ve never been able to make any decision for ourselves because everything was scheduled for us and simultaneously automatically paid for, we yearn for a life of our own where every moment was tailor made for the lives we wish to hold. But dreams such as this, of living complete opposite lives that we think are the most desirable, never quite come true. We are forced to come into this world with at least one kind of fate, the fate that awaits us for at least eighteen years legally, that is merely an effect of existence and not a conscious decision. But maybe, just maybe if you’re lucky, you could be granted with the most perfect family. Maybe you will be lucky enough to choose the best people to be a very significant part of your life.
In these cases you’ll be lucky enough to spend even a day with such a person or persons, much less a lifetime. But if you’re really lucky and you’re willing to take a chance, and open your heart however difficult it may be, each day you open your heart more, is one more day you have with them. Of course it’s going to hurt. And in some cases more often than not, it’s going to fucking hurt. But at the same time, if it never did, it would not have been worth it.
In those cases, the ones that are definitely more often than not, you just have to hurt for a while. You have to understand that love is about sacrifice. The most intense and deepest kind of love is agape, sacrificial love, in which you’d give everything, even you’re life, for another. And when you make the commitment of loving someone you are ultimately making a pledge of yourself to do whatever is asked of you to better this person or this other person’s life. And so, whether it will break your heart for a year or constantly hurt for fifty years, the bottom line is that you love your friends. If loving your friends entails you having to let them go, then you must without question or complain.
Being someone’s friend means loving them completely and as unconditionally as humanly possible. So enjoy your time together. Make your love known to each other, and always, always laugh a ton. Because if you can do all this, and bear the desperate sorrow that inevitably goes along with loving someone, you will always remember and cherish your time together. Which is what the curious thing called friendship has always been about.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
To Be Loved.
For my sister.
It’s nice to be loved. And while it is quite important to hear it even at least once in a while, it’s really nice sometimes just to know it. There are a lot of people who never get to experience that kind of thing, and for that I truly pity them. For it is what makes us human, loving and being loved.
She knew she really cared about this man. This man who came into her life at a time when she least expected it. It was the lowest point in her life and he had no idea. He had no idea about her past relationship and how much it had scarred her. About the many pills she had to take just to cope with the desperate sorrow she felt every day due to the unidentifiable feeling of entrapment caused by her terrible relationship. About the severe pain she had single-handedly caused those closest to her. About the friendships she had ruined forever. All he knew was her, and for some strange reason loved her.
They had met by a strange coincidence of fate. He was single, she was single, and they had mutual friends who happened to be a couple. The couple introduced them and for some reason he fell for her. They talked about their idea of the perfect date. A conversation strange for any man and woman who barely knew each other she thought. But she told him anyway. It would start with the hour drive into the city, San Francisco. She had never lived in a real city, and never really had any sort of strong desire to. The only strong desire she had ever felt was to feel normal again, and dare she even think it, happy. But she loved to take trips, and visiting cities were always good trips. She and her perfect date would walk around the Pier for a few hours seeing the sights she had seen so many times, and as the evening was coming to a close and the sun was on its way down they’d have dinner on the pier. And what made it perfect was that she’d know that it was all for her. For once in her life, she wouldn’t be doing something for someone else. She wouldn’t be the typical self sacrificing person that she always felt she had to be. She could for once, for a glimmer of a moment, be a tiny bit selfish something she’d never had the opportunity to ever be. He gave her a half smile after he heard this and she felt embarrassed and turned, shying away from him. He turned to her and said, I think that sounds like a very nice, very perfect date. She felt genuinely pleased by his comment and almost, for a split second, normal.
A week later the two of them would go on their first official date. He would pick her up from home and begin to drive in the direction of the freeway that would take them to the city. She would question where exactly they’d be going and he’d answer with a passing comment saying, “I just thought it would be nice to have dinner on the pier tonight.” She’d smile and know that she was totally capable of falling in love with this man. She knew that while he had given her the capacity to fall in love again, she gave him the ability to make her dreams come true.
It’s nice to be loved. And while it is quite important to hear it even at least once in a while, it’s really nice sometimes just to know it. There are a lot of people who never get to experience that kind of thing, and for that I truly pity them. For it is what makes us human, loving and being loved.
She knew she really cared about this man. This man who came into her life at a time when she least expected it. It was the lowest point in her life and he had no idea. He had no idea about her past relationship and how much it had scarred her. About the many pills she had to take just to cope with the desperate sorrow she felt every day due to the unidentifiable feeling of entrapment caused by her terrible relationship. About the severe pain she had single-handedly caused those closest to her. About the friendships she had ruined forever. All he knew was her, and for some strange reason loved her.
They had met by a strange coincidence of fate. He was single, she was single, and they had mutual friends who happened to be a couple. The couple introduced them and for some reason he fell for her. They talked about their idea of the perfect date. A conversation strange for any man and woman who barely knew each other she thought. But she told him anyway. It would start with the hour drive into the city, San Francisco. She had never lived in a real city, and never really had any sort of strong desire to. The only strong desire she had ever felt was to feel normal again, and dare she even think it, happy. But she loved to take trips, and visiting cities were always good trips. She and her perfect date would walk around the Pier for a few hours seeing the sights she had seen so many times, and as the evening was coming to a close and the sun was on its way down they’d have dinner on the pier. And what made it perfect was that she’d know that it was all for her. For once in her life, she wouldn’t be doing something for someone else. She wouldn’t be the typical self sacrificing person that she always felt she had to be. She could for once, for a glimmer of a moment, be a tiny bit selfish something she’d never had the opportunity to ever be. He gave her a half smile after he heard this and she felt embarrassed and turned, shying away from him. He turned to her and said, I think that sounds like a very nice, very perfect date. She felt genuinely pleased by his comment and almost, for a split second, normal.
A week later the two of them would go on their first official date. He would pick her up from home and begin to drive in the direction of the freeway that would take them to the city. She would question where exactly they’d be going and he’d answer with a passing comment saying, “I just thought it would be nice to have dinner on the pier tonight.” She’d smile and know that she was totally capable of falling in love with this man. She knew that while he had given her the capacity to fall in love again, she gave him the ability to make her dreams come true.
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