Thanks for the Music.

If you love someone you let them go, you said. It’s selfish to stay and fight, I agreed. But when does it become okay to stay and fight? If the person seriously needs help? If you honestly think that they shouldn’t go and it really is for their own good? It’s preposterous to think that at anytime it would be “good” or “better” to keep someone from living their life. Mothers always watch their children fall in the hopes that they learn how to walk. Parents let their child go off to college to teach them independence and growth. Friends watch their friends marry off in order to allow them to follow their hearts and achieve happiness. And lovers watch their partners walk away to ensure that what is done is done and will probably never be done again.
So what if you can’t let them go? What if you know you should and you try your hardest to, but you simply can’t? Does that make it okay to stay and fight? You told me you had to go. I told you I understood and allowed it to happen. But what if I lied? What if what I really thought was that although you “had no choice” but to go, I knew I needed you with me? Does that make me selfish? Does that make me a liar? What exactly does it make me, if it makes me anything? I told you what you needed to hear to make it okay to leave. I was as supportive as I possibly could be. And to be honest it hurt. It mother fucking hurt. But if there’s one thing you taught me, it’s to put others before myself, and so I put you before myself just as you would have done, I’m sure.
And so for that I’m thankful. Thank you for teaching me how to love and let go. Thank you for making me into the person I always hoped to become. And thank you for loving me and letting me know it. Although it was not in the way I wanted, it was more that I could have ever hoped for. So I’m going to leave too. I’m going to law school. I’m not going to take a break, and I am going to be truly alone for the first time in my life. The beauty of it is, I’m not as terrified as I had anticipated. I know I’ll be okay and I know I can make it because I know that there are people like you in the world. Thank you for letting me know this and thank you for allowing me to believe in people in a way that I honestly though I would never be able to again.