A Part of Something Bigger.

He was very young when it all began to happen. To a point whatever completely moronic things we do when we’re children has no real bearing on us as adults. Things just happen, and we don’t know any better. And it is these mistakes and our parents correcting or pointing out these mistakes that shapes our futures. However, most corrections and life lessons he unfortunately had to correct himself. A perfect, prestigious education was never really asked of him, family was never a huge priority, and friends were pretty much vapid and shallow. A situation, early on, was created in which anyone would easily be broken and fall. And yet, regardless of the fact that much of the things many people reflect fondly upon were robbed of him, and while it was never asked, much less expected, of him he consistently strove for excellence.

His story is one that is quite different yet just as sad if not sadder than my own. It is a story of struggle, of being lost, of losing, and of terrible experiences many would not be able to withstand. And he tells it all without shedding a tear. Perhaps it is a part of the defense mechanism he was forced to create within himself in order to survive. Or maybe it’s just because he is stronger than most. Either way, against all odds, he achieved every single thing he set out to do. He works hard, and while other aspects of life may come somewhat easy to him, with everything else, it is a fight. Everyday of his life has been a battle. And while there have been some losses, where the pleasures of the world take precedence over what’s really important, there have been an overwhelming amount of victories.

He tells me he’s unhappy. That he’s never really been happy. And for some reason continues to relay to me every instance of pain that he has ever experienced. Though I feel unworthy to hear of such things so close to one’s heart, I listen. I feel it is what he needs most of me. I wonder though, why while he has so much pride, it is as if he thinks so much is lacking of him. I remind him of his accomplishments, of all the amazing things he has done, of reasons that he should feel better. He dismisses each reason. Possibly due to some type of incredible virtuosity and humility. Or, of something else entirely.

It is understandable that he should feel bombarded with negativity and pain and hardship. It is also understandable that he acts the way he acts, and thinks the way he thinks. Yet I wish that he could see what others see. I wish others creation of litanies attributing to his greatness didn’t issue a great amount of awkwardness or irritation within him. I know he deserves every amount of praise he receives, for he works for every drop of it. I believe he knows he deserves it as well, for he knows better than anyone what he has done to get to where he is.

However, there is one aspect, or person rather, in his life that has the capability of making him happy or sad. He once said she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. And though he has said he had been in love multiple times, and had his heart broken multiple times, which were contributions to the makings of his brokenness, I think that maybe his happiness was always wrapped up in one person. She must mean everything to him, I always think. Because, while he can talk about her irrationality, and go on perpetual diatribes of her mistakes in life, it’s so easy to see in his eyes just how much he completely loves her.

His story is not ended, he has much to tell, and I think it will always be this way. He has been broken in so many ways I think perhaps he has come to believe that he is irreparable. I do not think this is true. I believe he has been, will be, and is hurt. But that does not at all define him. He has the capability of achieving greatness, the stuff of legends as some may say. He says that it’s too idealistic to think that everything will be okay, and that he’ll someday be happy. But maybe sometimes, its okay to be a little idealistic. He has a strength that many can only pray to someday have, myself included. I hope he knows that. I hope that when he achieves greatness, he won’t forget me. And I know that his story will have a happy ending. And after he reads it, maybe he’ll even smile.