The Letter

*Disclaimer: Everything on this blog is fiction. Please take this in to consideration while reading. Thank you. *


I can’t even count how many times I’ve tried to write this, or say this, or even just to forget it all together. My love, my everything, I’m so sorry. I know it seems as though I’ve forgotten about you and about us and everything we had, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Because my love, I love you and always have and always will. With that said, I suppose it’s obvious that there’s no way in hell I could have forgotten about you, because you are a part of me, the best part of me. It’s been a so long since I’ve kissed your lips, since you last held me in your arms like you could keep me there forever, since I’ve heard your voice, the voice that could comfort me in any situation possible, the voice that makes me laugh, makes me love, makes me complete. The voice that has the capability of calling me back from the darkest worst parts of myself. And in all that time I’ve been happy. But I’ve also been sad, and mostly I’ve been doing nothing but thinking of you. I know that I should have called because you would always answer no matter how much I hurt you, but I wasn’t ready to say what I needed to be said, or do what needed to be done. And I felt so incredibly unworthy of your love. But my beloved, I’m ready now. For some reason I kept running from you thinking that we’d both be better off pursuing our own agendas. But I was wrong, I can’t run from you, I can’t pursue my own agenda, and I can’t let go of or forget our love, because you are my agenda, you are a part of me, and I can never be whole without you. You hold the pieces of my heart that make me, me. So here I am, stubborn, prideful, incredibly selfish me. I don’t know if I can change to become the person you want me to be, or believe I can be, but I’m ready to try. I remember being jealous of you when we were kids. You never had to try to be good at anything, and I had no choice but to work my ass off just to try to be at your level. And not much has changed. I envy your ability to be kind and generous and completely selfless and to not dwell on the bad but to constantly think positively. I’ve never had your resilience to adversity, and I don’t think I ever will, but with your help I know that I can attempt to take the steps in that direction. So, please accept my apology and though I know because of the ridiculously amazing person you, you’ve forgiven me without a formal apology, please, help me take the steps to fix this. I know it’s going to take a stunning effort on my part to say the least, but I’m ready for it, if you’ll still have me. I love you.