Don't Talk (awkwardly) to Strangers.

I met a woman today. I met a woman with a one karat diamond in each ear, black stiletto Jimmy Choos, True Religion Jeans, and a simple yet probably ridiculously over-priced long-sleeved black v-neck. Her ensemble was effortlessly chic. Her demeanor confident and poised. She stopped at my favorite spot and asked to share my bench. I politely told her I didn’t mind at all. After a few minutes of silence while I took the last few sips of my grande soy caramel macchiato she said, “It’s gorgeous isn’t it?” A connoisseur of small talk I responded to her observation of the ocean with, “Yeah.” Once I totally awkward-ized the situation she said with a slight smile to herself, “My husband proposed to me here.” She didn’t look at me once the entire time she spoke. She merely kept looking straight ahead at the ocean. I responded with, “It is a lovely place for a proposal,” hoping to have sounded a bit more articulate. “I left him today.” This I did not expect at all. “I’m flying to New York tonight.” Having no idea how to respond, nor even how to react, I chose not to and simply followed her lead by continually staring at the ocean. Then she said, “If you’re thinking it’s because of a lover or because he had a lover that’s not it. Well, he did have a lover, a good friend of ours actually, but I honestly couldn’t care less. I left for me. I guess I finally came to the realization today that while he could be the love of my life, I couldn’t stand myself with him. I can’t pretend to be the perfect couple, the perfect wife, the perfectly content barren family. Not that I have even ever wanted children. It’s just I am so tired of the questions. I am tired of running into people at the grocery store who know every detail of my marriage and who pretend that they don’t. I’m tired of people wondering whether I’ve tried IVF, whether I want to adopt, but ultimately wondering why I don’t have a stronger desire to be a mother.
I’ve never run away before. I’ve never had the means to. But now it’s like everything in my life is different and I’m exactly the same. Strange, I know. I married him right out of college. I’ve been his wife and business partner for eight years. And that’s it. I have the same friends, the same town house, and the same car I’ve had for eight years. I’ve never made an important decision in my life without thinking about other people. And today it sort of just dawned on me that I am completely unhappy. I don’t think I envisioned this when I married him. I don’t think I envisioned this ever. And I know ‘running away’ seems cowardly and maybe even stupid. But I think it takes balls to do what I’m doing. I don’t even know anyone in New York! I mean seriously…what am I doing?!” She stopped. She ever so slightly lifted her Chanel sunglasses and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue she grabbed from her Christian Dior purse. “I’m leaving. That’s what I’m doing. I’m finally, finally going to be on my own. God, that sounds so scary and so good. I. Am. Leaving.” She took a deep breath and finally turned to me. “Thank you for sharing your bench dear,” she said as she lightly touched my forearm. I once again quite awkwardly said, “Yeah.” She grabbed her purse, smiled, and left.
Maybe I didn’t meet that woman today. Maybe she was practicing for an audition or made it all up. Maybe I just met a personification of one of my biggest fears. Maybe I’m supposed to realize that no one really knows what they want. Maybe everyone feels like picking up and leaving at one point or another. Maybe that makes it okay for me to want that. Or, maybe none of this means anything more than another woman left her husband today. Either way, I think everyone should learn to be less awkward with strangers.