Condolences.

And as she lay broken on the floor, she suddenly stopped crying. It felt as if her tears had run out. But she wasn’t ready to get up yet. She couldn’t bring herself to take that step into the world again. The saddest thing to see is a child’s loss of innocence. It is as if all the beauty in the world has completely disappeared and they are left with only pain, and sadness, and darkness. It is easy then to understand why children can turn out to be such angry adults. Or why Freud has allowed us to explain everything wrong with us as psychological problems. While he’s probably right, what he didn’t know is that the girl’s brokenness is what made her. She had to be broken down in order to be built back up. And though the breaking down is much more swift and seemingly easier than the building, it was necessary. Her tears did not run out, she was merely too exhausted to keep crying. She knew it would take the only ounce of strength she had left to pick herself up off the floor. She didn’t want to do it. She would much rather remain in the solitude and darkness of the floor of her bedroom. She would much rather close her eyes and will herself to sleep, hoping and wishing that she wouldn’t have to wake up to this nightmare that was her life. But she couldn’t sleep. Something in her head just wouldn’t let her. She rolled over and stared at the ceiling. Maybe it’s asbestos she hoped, knowing that it surely wasn’t. And then in one slow motion she sat up and stared at the door.
When one has never felt completely desolate, or alone, or sorrowful, they will never be able to understand when others feel as such. Consolation is appreciated, but understanding is what is most needed. She stood up and looked in the mirror by the door. She knew what was beyond that door, trite phrases of condolences and such, hugs from supposed family members she had never met in her life, etcetera. She didn’t want to see it, or hear it, or be a part of their guilt-driven presence in her home. How could they ask such a broken girl to greet others with a half smile? But she knew she had to do it. She knew it was key in the rebuilding of her broken heart, her broken soul. And so she opened the door, and realized there was no room full of trite condolences. That what was lost was within herself, and that no one mourns the loss of a child’s innocence. Everything seemed like it always was, yet within her, all was changed.